Taking stock

wherein I babble about writing, rather than actually write

. . . because I think reflection is a useful, important tool. How do we see how far we’ve come, if we don’t look back?

I wanted, in 2012, to become more disciplined with my writing, and actually get cracking on the backlog of works in my head, on to paper. And, for the first four months I think I did pretty well. Oh, sure, the WiP crashed and burned not once but two times over, but I did get words out. 30k before it imploded back to 0. If I go by word count and stories out, 2012 was a wash. I failed. I can say that.

But I also gained much. Once upon a time I was the sort who would write through major upheavals and crises. Grandfather dying? I’d write! Grandmother dying? Write! Cat died? WRITEWRITEWRITE. But, that hasn’t been my way of coping in a while, and I’m of two minds about it. Or, rather, I’ve been of two minds about it. As 2012 comes to a close I’m realizing that a lot of the things I’ve been worried about/upset with myself about/whatever you want to call it . . .well, they don’t matter. Value judgments on the way I am in these matters are useless, and I’m done with them.

I’m not ever going to be happy and honoring my whole self if I drop all my other interests in order to just write. Writing has been my longest-standing interest, but it’s not my only interest. I need to keep working those others into my life, making time for them. And I’m back to: how do I do that? Because, writing exclusively for four months and then writing almost nothing while focusing on knitting, and then knitting almost nothing as I burn out and just study instead, and then burning out more and dropping everything to focus on devotional practices instead is not working for me. I can’t build these four things into my daily life and work full time and pursue traditional home-making/home-keeping things and care for the animals every day. But, they need to be built into every week, at least, or I suffer from the lack.

Writing wise, I still don’t know what the answer is. Depression, holiday exhaustion (yay retail dayjob!), and fighting off ick has devoured my writing time by making me sleep more, and if I don’t write first thing in the morning I really don’t get any writing in. I’m not pushing myself, we’re just barely out of Xmas season, and I’m letting myself rest, because hey, it hasn’t even been a month yet since we buried my grandmother. But I’m picking at this stuff and wondering how next year will be.

So, that’s my goal for 2013. Figure out how to make this shit work. I don’t care about word counts or getting a project done. I care about how to integrate these things into my life in a consistent basis that will allow me to be happy and feel as though I’m making progress, without dropping things to the point of feeling like a failure. Wish me luck!

What are your goals for 2013?


8 thoughts on “Taking stock

  1. moveeatcreate

    I appreciate and can very much relate to your words here. I am thrilled to have recently fostered my passions for running, knitting, writing and cooking/nutrition, but finding the time for and balance of them all in my weekly life ( which also includes one full time job, one part time job and life with my partner and cats) is tricky to say the least. Best wishes to you as you seek balance for yourself in 2013!

    1. Jolene Post author

      I think that anyone with any-other-interests *and* cats that manages to pull themselves away from cat-shenanigans, is doing a pretty good job! (We have four! And a dog!) I wish a happy balance between them all for you as well, in the coming year (and beyond!)

  2. Soli

    That’s exactly what I need to do in this coming year. I have time again, and energy, and no idea how to make good use of either. Sigh.

    1. Jolene Post author

      I know from experience that suddenly having a surplus of time can be as difficult as having not enough time. Beat up on yourself less in 2013. πŸ™‚

  3. Beth

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned in 2012, it’s that making value judgments on what I see as my failures is a thoroughly useless activity. My goals for 2013 are very similar to yours: I know the things I need to do doing (spirit work, writing, crafting) and need to figure out how to balance doing them all on a regular basis. The spirit work and my Marriage are obviously the only constants, things that can’t ever be put down, even for a day. But heavier trance work such as seidhr needs to be balanced out with my other activities and I am not going to be able to do a little of everything every day while still working at an almost-full time mundane job.

    1. Jolene Post author

      I love that you’ve learned this lesson regarding value judgments. I wish only that, once learn, it would stay learned, damn it all. I think you’re doing a fabulous job, on top of having to deal with the monster that was 2012. I love you.

  4. Lilly Rose

    You seem to be in a very similar position to me–trying to fit everything in. Right now, I’m trying to work a dayjob, focus more on my writing (because at the beginning of last year I did FANTASTIC at that, and then towards the end of the year, it completely slipped and I wrote nearly nothing!), move states, and am wanting to start studying Druidry formally. That’s really a lot to have on ones plate at one time, but that’s where I’m at. How do you fit it all on there?? πŸ˜›


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