wherein I babble about writing, rather than actually write
. . . because I think reflection is a useful, important tool. How do we see how far we’ve come, if we don’t look back?
I wanted, in 2012, to become more disciplined with my writing, and actually get cracking on the backlog of works in my head, on to paper. And, for the first four months I think I did pretty well. Oh, sure, the WiP crashed and burned not once but two times over, but I did get words out. 30k before it imploded back to 0. If I go by word count and stories out, 2012 was a wash. I failed. I can say that.
But I also gained much. Once upon a time I was the sort who would write through major upheavals and crises. Grandfather dying? I’d write! Grandmother dying? Write! Cat died? WRITEWRITEWRITE. But, that hasn’t been my way of coping in a while, and I’m of two minds about it. Or, rather, I’ve been of two minds about it. As 2012 comes to a close I’m realizing that a lot of the things I’ve been worried about/upset with myself about/whatever you want to call it . . .well, they don’t matter. Value judgments on the way I am in these matters are useless, and I’m done with them.
I’m not ever going to be happy and honoring my whole self if I drop all my other interests in order to just write. Writing has been my longest-standing interest, but it’s not my only interest. I need to keep working those others into my life, making time for them. And I’m back to: how do I do that? Because, writing exclusively for four months and then writing almost nothing while focusing on knitting, and then knitting almost nothing as I burn out and just study instead, and then burning out more and dropping everything to focus on devotional practices instead is not working for me. I can’t build these four things into my daily life and work full time and pursue traditional home-making/home-keeping things and care for the animals every day. But, they need to be built into every week, at least, or I suffer from the lack.
Writing wise, I still don’t know what the answer is. Depression, holiday exhaustion (yay retail dayjob!), and fighting off ick has devoured my writing time by making me sleep more, and if I don’t write first thing in the morning I really don’t get any writing in. I’m not pushing myself, we’re just barely out of Xmas season, and I’m letting myself rest, because hey, it hasn’t even been a month yet since we buried my grandmother. But I’m picking at this stuff and wondering how next year will be.
So, that’s my goal for 2013. Figure out how to make this shit work. I don’t care about word counts or getting a project done. I care about how to integrate these things into my life in a consistent basis that will allow me to be happy and feel as though I’m making progress, without dropping things to the point of feeling like a failure. Wish me luck!
What are your goals for 2013?