It’s a learning process, right? So, it’s not like I’m a big fat failure because halfway through my “75k done by the end of December no wait I mean January” goal I’ve decided to go back on it. And it’s not like not getting Fairy Queen out when I thought I would makes me a big fat failure, either. I’m learning. What have I learned?
I’ve learned that while I love writing, I really hate the packaging part of it. Despise. Will end up putting it off and missing self-imposed deadlines. Hate hate hate. I’ve learned that while I do wish to start thinking of writing as what I do, job wise, and the day job is the day job, that doesn’t mean I automatically get 8 or even 4 hours a day to work on it. I work full time, in retail, and Christmas is coming. I have a handful of animals to care for and spend time with. I like and enjoy knitting (and have a number of projects to finish by December, which I can reasonably finish but not if I’m writing as much as I’d planned to be writing, and Christmas is not a self-imposed deadline and thus cannot be moved) and there are days at a time when, during my after work hours, I want to knit, not write. I’m (re)learning that my desires come in cycles — I’ll go a week or so only wanting to knit, and then a week or so wanting to write. This isn’t good for wanting to churn out enough work to start shopping it around, and it’s not good for making headway with the WiP, which has 5 books lined up already. As much as I don’t want it to be true, the day job often takes it out of me and I return home a zombie. I’ve learned that, along needing to cooridinate planning Big Projects so that we both don’t need the computer extensively at the same time, I need to not plan Big Projects with the same time-frame, because then neither of them happen.
I’m learning that it’s pointless to be envious of people who get to write full time and churn out almost a million words in print a year. (Though I’m happy to discover that I’m less envious of their success and more envious of the time they were allowed to spend WRITING)
So, I’m regrouping and rethinking. I am obviously going to be still working on the WiP: book 1, but I’m tossing out a need to pay attention to word counts. I get done what I get done, before the end of December. I’ll also still poke at Fairy unless I can get the Awesome Beth to do it for me (hatehatehate the packaging). The goal is now to get to January 1st with my knitting projects done, Fairy out, and time to devout to the WiP. It’s great to be happy for the folks who can just write and now work Outside, but I need to plan according to what my free time allows, and that can’t mean foregoing all the things I enjoy aside from writing. I’m not aiming for a crunch writing period here, a la NaNo, I’m aiming for a sustainable schedule that allows me to make forward progress, yet doesn’t choke other things out of my week. So, I continue to tweak, and it does not make me a failure.